sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
