"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
