just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
