I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
