Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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