there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
