I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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