More tranny stories later!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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