Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
