If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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