Please, let me fuck your mom
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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