i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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