I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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