I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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