why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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