I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
