yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
