I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
