i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
