Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
