the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
