that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
