God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
