i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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