At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
