i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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