I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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