Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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