He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
