well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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