They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
