I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
