Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
