there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
