I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
