I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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