Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
