No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
