Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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