My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
