somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
