In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
