i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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