..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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