i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
