This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There r osticjed everywhere
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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