I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
