a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
