I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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