i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
