as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
