my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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