I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
